It would seem that you are under rather strained conditions. It is not easy for the physical mind to fit in with the position that you hold. Nor is it easy for the physical mind to consider that, even with the love of God, so often things go wrong and that the opposing forces should be so powerful. But God does not keep you in any sense but that of perfect understanding, and before you have finished you will say "All is well, all is wonderfully well".
God would not have you pass on from the subject without recognising the toll that such tests take from you. They seem so unnecessary, and the word "unjust" rises to the mind in an instant, because you cannot see the why and the wherefore. Looking at things from your point of view God does not blame you, and indeed He can see exactly how the impression comes that evil is given the advantage and that those who wish to serve the Christ are bound and blocked in every direction. That is the natural physical view.
It is not easy under such circumstances to have that faith which you desire to make your own. This had to be, though it sounds at once as though the Father is lacking in the tender feelings that even a most ordinary parent would have towards their child. It is not easy to explain. The going is hard, and this hardness cannot be done away with until certain tests have been taken and received in the spirit that the God in you insists upon. That has a very disconcerting sound. Immediately you remember the thoughts of rebellion and despair comes very close indeed. But you must look at it from a practical point of view. Your thoughts on these lines are destructive to a certain degree; very destructive so far as your personal happiness is concerned. Sometimes they affect others too, as depression nearly always does. But where does their power end? Are those thoughts sufficient to bar the way? To make you turn back, or even to prevent your going forward? A negative attitude is no use; it does not exist in any sense whatsoever. Nothing is stationary when you are character building.
How far are you going to allow those thoughts to take the lead? If they influence your actions then they are terribly destructive and actually working against God. You grieve and you sorrow and your physical mind puts up every sort of fight it can think of; but you go on. That is the one thing that matters. Wilful and rebellious as that physical mind may be, it has good cause, with its limited understanding, to feel like that. Notwithstanding that tussle, the victory is always on the side of right, and that is why you cannot be sad. There has been a good deal of sadness in the day, but that is past and over and done with. While God is in possession sorrow is unknown.
The dark night leads on to the glad day, and the glad day is in God's keeping! Rest in the thought of this, confident of the love of God and of the protecting arms around you. Knowing that, if you only try and remember it will shut out the cold winds of life and keep you snug within.
Those free from the flesh in the Spirit World are not so beyond your horizon in thought and understanding that they cannot enter into all those physical feelings which you call "nerves" and "nervous strain". They are not free from the play upon the nerves, as you think. In reality that sensitiveness is accentuated beyond your comprehension in those released from the covering of the body. Do not believe this, because unconsciously when such strain arises you think "they are out of it and that they cannot understand". There is not the slightest pang of disappointment, of apprehension, or of dismay that is not registered in the Spirit World. They are not free; what touches you is a blow of intense force at your Father.
Draw yourself from the physical and the threshold of the spiritual to the spiritual itself; God. What you feel gives a faint glimmering of the ravages on the Divine Heart.
Listen to the word of God and take it in. Do not shut yourself into the dark cabin of desolation as you do. It is so unnecessary, so hard to bear, and it should not be possible for any of His children to so keep Him outside. Where you are, there are the Spirits, and where the least of God's creatures is, there is God indeed. Take the comfort that is offered; stretch out your hand for the solace that lies waiting for your acceptance. Listen to the voice of the spirit; do not harden your heart. When evil strikes take it to the Christ and leave it to Him to disentangle. If only you would do this He could save you from nearly all the sorrow that wounds and tortures. Let God be your friend in need as well as your friend when the day is bright. It is in the time of distress that friends should draw near, and it is His privilege and right to lead you out of the valley on to the plain so broad and free, where the sun of God's love cannot be shut out by anything.
The Christ's blessing is upon you. His healing touch blocks out the remembrance of the sadness borrowed from the past and closes the wounds and seals them with His Love. The Christ is with you now and for evermore!
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